#12 Harsh Truth

Expectation kills.

The expectation I meant here is the expectation I put for myself.

In my mind, I picture a perfect guy with the perfect life. Surrounded by friends, a leader, positive attitude, a mentor, able to communicate effectively, financially stable, a guy who enjoy his time.

I want to be that guy. So what's stopping me?

Ughh, it seems that many of those qualities I do not possess now.

I bought 3 books from Borders, courtesy of voucher from gov. 1 on motivation, 1 on managing, and 1 on leadership. I liked reading on the leadership book, written by John C. Maxwell, combination of 3 books into 1, titled "Ultimate Leadership".

Reading that book is interesting, but it also constantly reminded that I am a worse at being a good leader, and the memories of my previous years did not help. Let me give you some of the quotes I read in the book:

"He who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk."

"Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't. "

The book also says something that leadership depends on the trust of the followers. When you start at a position, you have a certain amount of "coins" in the pocket, and each success you made put coins inside while failure takes the coins out. By the time you out of coin in the pocket, you are out as a leader too.

Another thing that bothers me is that it was so hard for me to mingle with some group of people. I don't know why, is it the topic they were discussing? Their personality? Or it was me?

I know I can be inert sometime, and I consider myself as introverts. But is this really the situation? Is this the answer to the isolation of mingling? Or should I change myself to be a more proactive person, talk to people even when I don't feel like to? Put on the smile on my face when I'm not really in the mood of smiling? Do all of these just to maintain the relationship power at my network?

I guess it all comes down to what type of person I want to be. And based on what I've written up there, to be the guy with the perfect life, it will be so difficult for me, and a very long work to progress. I wish that I had all the answers, the answers to jobs, answers to life, answers to financial, but life is usually works where you have to find it the hard way.