#2 Sleepless nights, grateful.

There are times where I can't go into sleep by just laying down at bed.
It usually happens when I am stressed.

All the assignments I haven't done.
All the disappointment towards myself.
All the things I could have done but didn't do it.
All the regrets I have in my life.
All the scenes that I hope to have in my life.
All the failures of my action.
All the things I didn't do to make you happy.

These endless thoughts haunts me that sometimes cause me to have a slight panic, where I was afraid of the world outside my room, and I hope I can live in my own world.

Last night was  one of these nights, usually I will sleep in the condition of panic, but the night end up differently.

I suddenly thought of "grateful". I think I read it somewhere in books or internet posts, something related to stress management or in the book "The Secret".

I start to think of all the things I have in my life, where I am grateful of.

I am grateful of the family I have,
where they will back me up no matter how screwed up I am,
no matter how weirdly my attitudes are,
no matter how I could have hurt them by my words,
no matter how I should have done but I didn't do it,
no matter arrogant or inconsiderate I am towards them.
I know they will be my family and give me support.

I am grateful of the friends I have, where they were by my side,
where they share their secrets with me,
where they jio me eat even when I didn't ask them to, or I gave them hard choices due to my weirdness,
where they are willing to cope with my weird attitudes,
where they still be my friends even when we had our differences,
where they spend their precious time to hangout with me,
where they accepted my differences, without judging me,
where they cared about me, and my feelings,
where they are willing to share their knowledge or experience with me.

All these grateful,
gave me the courage to go to sleep, and embrace the possibilities that tomorrow will bring,
courage to face my nightmares, to tell me that everything will be great,
courage to face my screwed up life, no matter how screwed it will be.

I should be grateful.

BTW, I like this song, because it gives me a familiar feel.
Tears -LeeSSang feat Eugene of THE SEEYA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDqBCcOv_7U

Post #1 Value

YES! Finally got myself a blog entry, but doesn't really know what am I suppose to write about. I guess an introduction is not necessary? (kinda lame in my opinion) I guess I'm just gonna practice writing out whatever things in my mind, since my lecturer/tutor recommend me to write also, but that was on journal part for my Final Year Project in Uni, =.=|||

Today I talk to my friend about "Value".
[The value here is not the figures, according to google, the "value"  I was referring has the definition of "a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life." For more info on it, can refer this link, "http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm"]

He mentioned to me that he want to earn money, so that he can have the necessary funds to pursue his dreams, and to do the things he like to do. He shared some of his ideas with me, and it got me thinking, what does he really want?

I asked him, imagine you have all the money in your life, you can have anything in the world, what would you do with your life? That is the time I introduced him the word "value", but sadly, i couldn't explained clearly what does "value" means, and he is probably confused what I'm trying to say.

I came to learn about this word first from my friends, which attended classes of NLP. That time I was deeply unhappy with my situation, I just got out of a terrible relationship, probably most of it was my fault. My friends tried their best to help me with my situation, which I am very grateful of. They conducted a simple test with me, trying to know/let me know what is really my core value, something which will make me happy.

Then, surprisingly I started to read books about self-improvement. I used "surprisingly" because I used to hate reading anything, I like musics, I like movies, but I hate study/read. Now I realized I always love to read, I just need to find out what topics I like about. That is the beginning of my self-improvement stage. (I think, because I' m currently still in this stage.) From the books I buy, some of them mentioned "value" also, hence I deduce the identification of a person's core value is important for his/her self-improvement.

I find out that my value seems to be changing from time to time. In long term, value may change but in this case mine was frequent changing, so I have to admit I have not fully understand what my core values are. However, I do somehow able to size it down. I know I'm into the self-development stuff, I know I don't really like engineering, etc. Many days I have think about this, what do I want? Does this makes me happy? What is my life mission? What is my goal? Can I achieve it? Why am I so sensitive about this? Why am I doing the things I'm doing? All these questions sometimes drives me crazy, because they have no answer yet. I think this situation happens to all those people who are trying to figure out their life, but sometimes it does help us to know more and understand about not just ourselves, it can help us to understand others also.

Back to my friend's case, I do send him the link I put up there, hoping he would take some time to read it. In the end, I hope he will figure out what he wants, and be happy, and then I'll be happy too.